Sunday, January 18, 2009

Extended Stay(s)

I am not one to normally bash on a business establishment. I rarely send my food back when prepared wrong, hardly complain when the service is horrible, and infrequently speak up when the situation strays from my projected path. Until now...

I spent a week at an extended stay hotel arrangement last week while in KC and found a whole new side of life for which I can detest. Never have I felt so afraid for the well being of my 4Runner in the parking lot, nor been inclined to bolt the door and sit with a pistol during the night. But my week at the extended stay proved to me there is much more to life than I pretend exists outside my bubble.

First things first, I hate extended stay hotels for one main reason. They have kitchens. In those kitchens people cook. The byproduct of such culinary experimentation is aroma...or odor as is usually the case. Nothing makes me more uneasy with my surroundings than to be engulfed in a flood of pungent odor when walking through the door. I mean who in their right mind thinks cooking CURRIED FISH is a good idea under normal circumstances, not to mention the small space to which we are crammed...if I wanted to live like this I would rent a studio flat in NYC...

Secondly, cheap extended stay hotels are full of migrant workers...I mean they could be rednecks from Texas or hippies from Cali...but running around loud, drunk, and screaming at two in the morning is acceptable if you live in a fraternity house. Quite another to be older and wiser. Having to dodge the cracked out construction workers with their meth teeth and heroin bodies is just a bit more than that with which I like to contend.

I am not a snob by any stretch of the imagination. And yes I could be slightly spoiled from my days soaking in the pool of the Camelback Inn...but give me a break...how bad does it have to get before an establishment decides "hmm, maybe we have gone the wrong direction with our marketing tactics"? Clue in people...call it what it is...anything but an "amenity rich and relaxing environment". Meth teeth, are you serious? I'm surprised I didn't see anyone shooting up next to the dumpster.