Monday, May 12, 2008

Top 10 Sayings by a Southwest Flight Attendant

10. “ladies and gentlemen the captain has indicated our final approach into Dallas…please discontinue the use of portable electronic devices, this includes iPods, laptops, Gameboys, Blackberries, blueberries, cranberries, and strawberries…if we should see you utilizing any electronic device, we will be compelled to confiscate it…especially if its an iPod…and you like country music…”

9. “in the unlikely event we should land in a pond in west Texas, you will find a lifevest under your seat cushion”

8. “For those of you paying attention to our safety demonstrations, thank you…to those of you that didn’t, gooood lu-uck!”

7. “…if you’re flying with a child or someone acting like a child, please place the mask over your nose and mouth first then assist the child…if you’re traveling with more than one child…what were you thinking? Well, pick the one with the most potential I guess”

6. DING…“ok kids, give your seat belt a tug and your neighbor a hug, we’ve been cleared for takeoff!”

5. “we will be dimming the cabin lights, if you need additional reading light please reach up and touch the button with the picture of a light bulb to turn on your overhead light…but please note, the button with the picture of a person will not necessarily turn on your flight attendants”

4. “ladies and gentlemen we will be coming through the cabin one last time to collect any remaining service items…cups, wrappers, newspapers, spare change, watches, jewelry, savings bonds, anything you would like to discard”

3. (singing) “ we love you, you love us, we’re much faster than the bus…with a grin and a smile we’re happy as can be…marry one of us and you’ll fly free”

2. “this is a Boeing 737-300 series, so to open the emergency exit, just pull the lever, grab the bottom handle, pull towards you and chunk it out the opening…just be careful not to scratch the paint as it cuts into our profit sharing”

1. “welcome to Phoenix, where the local time is…oh I have no idea, but I’m pretty sure it’s happy hour…last one off the plane has to clean it…kidding, the time is really…wow, it really is happy hour!”

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